So.....She didn't like "Andrew." Said it wasn't obnoxious enough. So, after a few minutes of deliberation, we came up with something universally offensive and immature: Miles O'Toole. Also, She's Irish, so it kinda worked two ways.
Also also, after combing every shop I could think of to find myself an angel/fairy dragmother costume, I gave up. So I'm changing into a fiery ball of bitchiness, in red--but I'm keeping my name. Because I like it. And it involves cookies. Which I might wear, if I can work them into the costume.
Pics will come as soon as I have a hot minute to work (werk?) on my makeup (which will be spectacular--I have found false eyelashes that are at least 14 different kinds of amazing), and they will definitely come when I'm in costume. And if the Mrs. is willing, youse guys might see Miles, too. ;)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Cookie for Katie???
I'm going as a drag queen for halloween. My Mrs. is going as a drag king.
I have the makeup, the outfit, the shoes, and the attitude/ego/chutzpah. She has the swagger, the outfit, my skills with makeup, and the loping walk.
One tiny little thing was missing, though: OUR NAMES. I mean, you can't even be a drag racer without an awesome name--much less drag royalty. I mean, please. QUEEN, please.
After serious deliberation, and wanting a name for myself that was adorable and sweet (I'm going as a fairy dragmother--a beautiful, bitchy angel of glitter and mercy), I have come up with something that fits my personality and my history (when I wanted desserts as a very small child, I would ask "cookie for Katie?").
I--get ready for this--am.......
Cookie Jarre! Oh, yes. I did. Don't act like you don't like it.
I know She's not interested in finding a drag name. She's not the type--also, I'm the boss in the relationship. The man (or, in this case, the more manly woman) may be the head, but the woman is the neck, etc. So, in my infinite kindness and knowledge, I have come up with a name that fits Her to a tee (just like the shirts She ordered from Heimie's):
Andrew Jennous! Get it? Sounds like "androgynous" when you say it out loud? You with me? I'm a genius! :D
Halloween is going to be SO much fun! Except for me wearing enormous heels all night. That's gonna suck. But otherwise, it'll be effing fabulous. :)
I have the makeup, the outfit, the shoes, and the attitude/ego/chutzpah. She has the swagger, the outfit, my skills with makeup, and the loping walk.
One tiny little thing was missing, though: OUR NAMES. I mean, you can't even be a drag racer without an awesome name--much less drag royalty. I mean, please. QUEEN, please.
After serious deliberation, and wanting a name for myself that was adorable and sweet (I'm going as a fairy dragmother--a beautiful, bitchy angel of glitter and mercy), I have come up with something that fits my personality and my history (when I wanted desserts as a very small child, I would ask "cookie for Katie?").
I--get ready for this--am.......
Cookie Jarre! Oh, yes. I did. Don't act like you don't like it.
I know She's not interested in finding a drag name. She's not the type--also, I'm the boss in the relationship. The man (or, in this case, the more manly woman) may be the head, but the woman is the neck, etc. So, in my infinite kindness and knowledge, I have come up with a name that fits Her to a tee (just like the shirts She ordered from Heimie's):
Andrew Jennous! Get it? Sounds like "androgynous" when you say it out loud? You with me? I'm a genius! :D
Halloween is going to be SO much fun! Except for me wearing enormous heels all night. That's gonna suck. But otherwise, it'll be effing fabulous. :)
Sunday, October 23, 2011
High Femme Explained
I'm a girly type of girl--I also happen to like (specific types of) girls. At least some of the time. I know I've made that pretty clear in a lot of my blog and discussion board posts. But I wanted to go into more depth about my handle here on Blogspot, so now that the Ethnography is done and over, I feel more at liberty to share some things about myself. :)
We're gonna have a nice, cozy li'l sit-down, and Katie will explain what High Femme means to her:
WARNING!!!! This blog post was not sanctioned or prompted by an assignment, so I might or might not use language that is not......so squeaky clean, shall we say?.....as it would be had this been a class blog post.
So...since I wear the slinky lingerie, the high heels, the makeup and the girly clothes in my relationship, and because I enjoy these things, and generally act in a feminine way, I identify as "femme." My Mrs. wears men's jeans, adorable li'l men's cardigans, vintage jackets and ties, and we just went to Heimie's Haberdashery in St. Paul to get her a new fancy shirt--she is "butch." She also identifies as "andro," which is short for androgynous. She would not, could not in a house--would not, could not with a mouse--wear makeup or even know how to attempt it. She doesn't bat her eyelashes, she doesn't like dresses or any of the like.
But I do. A lot. A LOT lot. I obsessively watch youtube tutorials on makeup application, how to wear scarves, how to do my hair, how to shop for vintage dresses. I am essentially a damn drag queen--but with real working lady parts. So, I take "femme" to a whole other level. I am "high femme." A garden-variety femme is mostly like a housewife who has kinda let herself go--they usually don't wear makeup, they wear their hair long but they don't do much with it or keep up with color jobs, and they wear women's clothes, but they're not making choices based on fashion. A high femme is 100% in love with how she looks, how she feels, and the reactions people have to her as a woman. We care deeply (maybe too deeply?) about how we look, and we don't give a flying f*ck if we make our girlfriends wait while we apply one last coat of mascara, or paw through our perfume bottles to find just the right one for the occasion. I see my kind as the soft, sweet, beautiful and alluring women everyone seems drawn to, and we're proud to be on our girlfriends' arms as eye candy--as long as our intelligence is also acknowledged. ;)
On another note--I wore full, dramatic makeup, complete with false eyelashes, to work today. People who shopped in the store I work in didn't listen to me the way they do when I'm wearing less dramatic makeup--they treated me like I was a dumb blonde. For someone like me, this is obviously frustrating, so I found myself trying to make the most erudite, eloquent jokes I could cull together as I teased customers, and wording my product recommendations to them in the most I'm-really-very-smart-please-don't-let-the-false-eyelashes-fool-you sort of way. I sounded like a pompous ass, I'm sure. It did, however, make especially the men I helped look at me differently--their eyes kind of opened wide and their jaws hovered mere inches above the floor when the blonde bimbo (for all they knew) started talking to them about having enjoyed calculus and virology classes when they asked the nice bimbo about herself as their wives shopped! HA! Game, set, and match to pretty girls with brains!
We're gonna have a nice, cozy li'l sit-down, and Katie will explain what High Femme means to her:
WARNING!!!! This blog post was not sanctioned or prompted by an assignment, so I might or might not use language that is not......so squeaky clean, shall we say?.....as it would be had this been a class blog post.
So...since I wear the slinky lingerie, the high heels, the makeup and the girly clothes in my relationship, and because I enjoy these things, and generally act in a feminine way, I identify as "femme." My Mrs. wears men's jeans, adorable li'l men's cardigans, vintage jackets and ties, and we just went to Heimie's Haberdashery in St. Paul to get her a new fancy shirt--she is "butch." She also identifies as "andro," which is short for androgynous. She would not, could not in a house--would not, could not with a mouse--wear makeup or even know how to attempt it. She doesn't bat her eyelashes, she doesn't like dresses or any of the like.
But I do. A lot. A LOT lot. I obsessively watch youtube tutorials on makeup application, how to wear scarves, how to do my hair, how to shop for vintage dresses. I am essentially a damn drag queen--but with real working lady parts. So, I take "femme" to a whole other level. I am "high femme." A garden-variety femme is mostly like a housewife who has kinda let herself go--they usually don't wear makeup, they wear their hair long but they don't do much with it or keep up with color jobs, and they wear women's clothes, but they're not making choices based on fashion. A high femme is 100% in love with how she looks, how she feels, and the reactions people have to her as a woman. We care deeply (maybe too deeply?) about how we look, and we don't give a flying f*ck if we make our girlfriends wait while we apply one last coat of mascara, or paw through our perfume bottles to find just the right one for the occasion. I see my kind as the soft, sweet, beautiful and alluring women everyone seems drawn to, and we're proud to be on our girlfriends' arms as eye candy--as long as our intelligence is also acknowledged. ;)
On another note--I wore full, dramatic makeup, complete with false eyelashes, to work today. People who shopped in the store I work in didn't listen to me the way they do when I'm wearing less dramatic makeup--they treated me like I was a dumb blonde. For someone like me, this is obviously frustrating, so I found myself trying to make the most erudite, eloquent jokes I could cull together as I teased customers, and wording my product recommendations to them in the most I'm-really-very-smart-please-don't-let-the-false-eyelashes-fool-you sort of way. I sounded like a pompous ass, I'm sure. It did, however, make especially the men I helped look at me differently--their eyes kind of opened wide and their jaws hovered mere inches above the floor when the blonde bimbo (for all they knew) started talking to them about having enjoyed calculus and virology classes when they asked the nice bimbo about herself as their wives shopped! HA! Game, set, and match to pretty girls with brains!
Some Stuff I Kinda Wonder About--And What Of It Will Start Me Toward A Paper?
SO......in preparation for the Research Paper (insert dramatic chord here), I'm thinking and thinking of how to get an idea that is both something I can really be interested in, and something that is do-able--like, information really exists out there, and can access it.
Some issues that rile up the folks at home:
-Same-sex marriage (my family is personally very pro on this issue)
-The benefits and disadvantages of only eating organic food, and general diet restriction by choice (vegetarianism, veganism, gluten-free, blah blah blah)
-How much the rich really SHOULD get taxed
-Why Mitt Romney is electable, and scares my family
-What to do with a world full of trash and without a clear plan on what to do with it (the trash or the world--take your pick)
-Why Garrison Keillor should continue doing Prairie Home Companion for the rest of forever
-How to effectively conduct road construction in Minnesota
-The problem of underemployment of college graduates (like me)
Stuff that riles up the Normandale kids:
-Tuition hikes
-The increasing cost of books and materials for classes
-The NLN exam to apply for nursing school at Normandale
-Parking
-Scheduling classes differently
-MNSCU schools getting a set amount of funding from the taxpayers
Stuff that makes Columbia Heights foam at the mouth
-I.....just don't know....
National News:
-What to do with the number of students who are failing reading and math assessment exams
-Public programs: necessary or disposable?
-Who does this economy really benefit, and is that fair?
-"Occupy _____": will it work? Or does it just make the demonstrators look like crazies, and get them permanent criminal records in the deal?
-Do teachers really get paid enough for what they do? Do they get credit for their hard work? And do laws preventing teachers from disciplining students go so far as to impede the teacher's ability to maintain an orderly classroom?
-What will my degree in Microbiology ultimately net me?
-When will the economy begin to surface again?
My Class Schedule:
-Eng 1101:
a.) Why MLA? Why not Chicago or APA?
b.) What purpose does writing really serve in the greater academic community, and why should science majors have to take it? (and vice versa)
-Comm 1111
a.) Will this class actually help me to be a better communicator?
b.) Is this a real class? Why do people not learn these skills as they grow up? Is this a real discipline that can be matched up to the likes of particle physics and biochemistry?
-Chem 1050
a.) Why are the fees for these classes so steep? Is it fair that students who choose to be science majors should pay more than their humanities-major counterparts?
b.) What threshold of risk for personal injury is acceptable for students in a 100, 200, 300, or 400 level class? What can be reasonably expected from students, pursuant to their presumed accumulated knowledge, and where does the legal liability for any injury of a student, while in the lab, performing the set experiments, lie
Some issues that rile up the folks at home:
-Same-sex marriage (my family is personally very pro on this issue)
-The benefits and disadvantages of only eating organic food, and general diet restriction by choice (vegetarianism, veganism, gluten-free, blah blah blah)
-How much the rich really SHOULD get taxed
-Why Mitt Romney is electable, and scares my family
-What to do with a world full of trash and without a clear plan on what to do with it (the trash or the world--take your pick)
-Why Garrison Keillor should continue doing Prairie Home Companion for the rest of forever
-How to effectively conduct road construction in Minnesota
-The problem of underemployment of college graduates (like me)
Stuff that riles up the Normandale kids:
-Tuition hikes
-The increasing cost of books and materials for classes
-The NLN exam to apply for nursing school at Normandale
-Parking
-Scheduling classes differently
-MNSCU schools getting a set amount of funding from the taxpayers
Stuff that makes Columbia Heights foam at the mouth
-I.....just don't know....
National News:
-What to do with the number of students who are failing reading and math assessment exams
-Public programs: necessary or disposable?
-Who does this economy really benefit, and is that fair?
-"Occupy _____": will it work? Or does it just make the demonstrators look like crazies, and get them permanent criminal records in the deal?
-Do teachers really get paid enough for what they do? Do they get credit for their hard work? And do laws preventing teachers from disciplining students go so far as to impede the teacher's ability to maintain an orderly classroom?
-What will my degree in Microbiology ultimately net me?
-When will the economy begin to surface again?
My Class Schedule:
-Eng 1101:
a.) Why MLA? Why not Chicago or APA?
b.) What purpose does writing really serve in the greater academic community, and why should science majors have to take it? (and vice versa)
-Comm 1111
a.) Will this class actually help me to be a better communicator?
b.) Is this a real class? Why do people not learn these skills as they grow up? Is this a real discipline that can be matched up to the likes of particle physics and biochemistry?
-Chem 1050
a.) Why are the fees for these classes so steep? Is it fair that students who choose to be science majors should pay more than their humanities-major counterparts?
b.) What threshold of risk for personal injury is acceptable for students in a 100, 200, 300, or 400 level class? What can be reasonably expected from students, pursuant to their presumed accumulated knowledge, and where does the legal liability for any injury of a student, while in the lab, performing the set experiments, lie
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
A Couple of Days Late, Here's My Reflection on the Ethnography
1. Ethnography’s often include patterns of narration (story) or description. You set the scene, but in many cases I couldn’t picture the place or surroundings. Situate your reader. In this space below, consider drawing a map of the place you describe to allow yourself to see it better. Could you describe the scene to a blind person?
On the right, as we came into the Kitty Kat Klub, and after our eyes had adjusted to the darkness inside (even though it was night, the neon lights and street lights outside gave a massive brightness to the streets), we saw two women sharing a barstool, and taking people's cover charge money, then stamping a black fleur-de-lis on the backs of patrons' hands. The stamp felt like it was moving my tendons around as one of the women crushed it onto my hand and rolled it across my skin. We stood a little while in the foyer, taking in the scene of women coming up and down the stairs with their arms around other women, chatting, drinking, and talking. Sounds of the dj spinning hiphop and techno thudded across our bodies, and lights flashed in time with it, illuminating settees and low sofas for flickers of an instant. She went to use the restroom, and I wandered around. A butch girl wearing a tie and glasses eyed me. (Actually, she kind of eyed me throughout the night) She came back, and we ordered drinks at the bar just a little deeper into the club. White wine for me, since I didn't want to be influenced by the alcohol as I tried to observe femmes in their natural habitats. Then we followed the bar around a little way to the left, and came out on the dance floor. Women were grinding on each other, swaying by themselves, and pop-and-lock style dancing on a dais that was close to the dj's setup. The dj was an attractive, youngish butch woman, wearing massive headphones and an ironic t-shirt I couldn't quite make out. The crowd was attractive, too. Unlike LUSH and the Town House, the women were younger. I guess there was a woman with spiked grey hair who looked like she was pushing 50, but she was the only one. The rest were college aged, about. And the women who looked femme were really beautiful--long hair, pretty, swingy, flirty dresses, short skirts, high heels and ankle boots and lots of trendy jewelry. Groups of women were together, dancing individually while gathered in loose circles. My smooth-soled stiletto platrform heels slid on the dancefloor, making it really easy to spin, but it made it really difficult to keep my balance as I tried to dance and crane my neck around to observe everyone. Mirrors with Louis XIV-style ornamented frames hung off the walls around the sofas and tables. It was easy to feel comfortable in a place like that. We're going back next month--apparently, it'll be the last-ever Twilight event, so it should be good.
2. Incorporate research into your writing. Use research to provide background, develop a larger sense of the group, its history and purpose. We have the observations and primary sources, but secondary sources need development in many cases. Without background we don’t have perspective. Find two online sources. Take time to explore our databases at Normandale.
I found several online sources for the essay. I found the article by Lehner, and the one by Smith, in which they detailed their struggles in a straight world, as femme lesbians. I also found a scholarly article in which data were given to show how small a minority the LGBTQ population really is, compared with the straight population.
3.Provide a day in the life. Put us right into a moment in time. Describe the place, the people, their way of speaking.Here is an area of key weakness. There just isn’t enough dialogue in these pieces.
Example: The group prayed—should be: Jack led the group in prayer. When he bowed his head, his black hair fell in front of his eyes. Everyone joined hands in a circle and some began to sway like trees in a forest when the wind moves among them. Jack was quiet for a long time before speaking. “Lord,” Jack began…After the prayer he read from Psalm 121, which begins….Find one key area where your paper needs work and expand it.
I took my day (as a femme, I felt it was the best thing I could do--the closest I could come), and made it into little vignettes--me going through the motions of daily life like grocery shopping, and going to school and work, and then expanding little parts of it to show how I fought the invisibility I live in for the majority of my day. I spent a lot of time describing the attempts other femmes made throughout their lives to show their love for their spouses (like Lehner wearing a wedding band, and a labrys), and to show who they are (like SBJ, who always has photos of herself with "Tomboy," her girlfriend, in her blog).
One place where I really needed work was in the areas of narrative--I needed to really set the scene in the Kitty Kat Klub, because that was really the most important night of research for me. So, I collected my memories of the night, and really tried to give as much detail as possible about finally feeling visible, and wondering about the lives of the other femmes after they left and resumed their daily grind, and feeling happy that I had Her with me, to snuggle on one of the Victorian-looking couches with. I also wanted to give greater detail about Krista Burton's blog, and how she's essentially telling me my life every time she posts something. True story: when She showed me Effing Dykes, I read a couple of posts and said "bitch done stole my blog!" I love it, even though she's really writing about my life and not hers. Just sayin.' :P
4. Be self reflective. What were you thinking and feeling while you were watching this moment? In many cases I wasn’t sure what compelled the writer to explore this area of research. I didn’t know their preconceptions, what they thought would happen versus what actually did. I didn’t know what most of you were feeling.
I was thinking and feeling, as She and I were out at bars and clubs, looking at femmes and butches and studs, that I was lucky to have Her. She's a prince. She really loves me, She's not some drunk slob at a bar, and She's willing to do things She'd rather not do, just to help me. I looked around, especially at the Town House, where we met Cory and Mary, another butch/femme couple, and wondered how these people found each other in the real world, or if they only found each other by being openly available in darkly-lit, dirty-looking bars. If that was the only safe place. I kept thinking, as we danced and my ears pounded with the sounds of bass and of people shouting, that there had to be a place in the daylight where queer women hung out--we couldn't be confined to the nightclubs. We had to be visible during broad daylight, able to hold our heads up and make our way through life without having to skulk off into the corner until dark, to finally be free for a few precious hours, then slink away quietly as the sun came up on another uncertain day.
5. Make sure to incorporate observations of rituals, artifacts, and interpretations. Some of this you may need to supplement with research. Again, dialogue is a key because it shows insider language. Always use specifics.
I suppose getting ready for a night out is a femme ritual; I described it in the beginning of my paper, because it was an important part of the night. Before war, always apply warpaint. It's like putting on armor before battle--there is a depth that it gives to the experience if there is some meaning to the actions even if no one else knows about them. I put on false eyelashes after I did my eyes in a smoky blue-purple-pink-grey-navy-black mosaic, and practiced narrowing my eyes seductively in the mirror, sort of gearing myself up for a night of essentially being in both cahoots and competition with all the other femmes who would be at the Twilight event. I needed to be beautiful, sure, but I also needed to be just a little intimidating--able to stare down anyone I caught looking at Her. As in, "bitch, back up off--She's mine." I'm the jealous type.
Some artifacts of the femme lesbian community include the HRC logo, the labrys, the rainbow--essentially the same as the LGBTQ community at large. We rely on these a little more heavily than women who are clearly gay do--to identify ourselves, to make ourselves feel included in the community, to assert our queerness to men, who think every woman is attracted to them (unless the woman happens to be a very obvious butch lesbian).
My favorite part of this community is that everyone--*everyone*--has a label. You can't just be queer. You have to be "bisexual" or a "stud" or a "butch" or "andro" or "femme" or "stem" or "trans" or "stone femme/butch" or "futch" or a "lipstick." The words we use are definitely a marker of the queer community. We describe people based on their "role." A "top" or a "bottom" or a "switch" is how people label their personalities in bed, and even in life in general. A "top" is the boss. She likes "femme tops." I like "butch tops." We both identify as "switches." Naturally, we have some decision-making problems when it comes to what to do on a day off ("i dunno--whatever you wanna do, babe" gets repeated ad nauseum, and nothing gets done). But we also have a word for straight people: "breeders." I defined these words (except for "top," "bottom," and "switch," since I felt they had little to do with the femme aspect of quieer women, and I wanted to keep a sense of focus within the essay), since I was trying to give an outsider an inside look at the words we use among ourselves, and the ways we size each other up from the very beginning.
Interpretations. Hmm. Tricky. I think I mostly focused on the interpretation of the femme's general appearance as straight, and how that is really hard to fight against (especially because the LGBTQ community is so small anyway, it's damn near impossible to tell how many women are femmes from within that narrow a minority with any kind of accuracy), and how femmes have tried to swim upstream against that presumption.
6. What did your adventure teach you? Why does such a group exist? What does it say about our society? Effective Conclusions:
- How will you wrap your paper up?
I wrapped up my paper with a reiteration of my paper's main points--there weren't any warnings I felt I needed to give, or anything like that, but I also chose to make my point by describing how I had found love and been able to find a meaningful love at that, even though I had to fight my invisibility as a femme to do it.
Femmes really exist because we were "born this way." Nothing we can really do about it--we like to look like girls and be feminine and adorable, but we were never really given a choice whether or not to be attracted to the same sex and be able to love members of the same sex romantically. Sort of like we weren't able to choose our ethnicity or whether we are right- or left-handed.
What we say about society....hm. There's a lot there. We seem to be a product of the largely male-determined ideal of female beauty in society, made manifest and put out in the world. We're queer, so we represent a part of society which is still sort of shameful to be a part of (and even to admit the validity of--look at how many states are trying to ban us from getting married to members of the same sex, and how many churches out there are trying to "fix" homosexuals and bisexuals), but is gaining respect and a place at the table--albeit at a snail's pace,. and with some full stops and backsliding just for fun along the way. The fact that we are invisible in society (femmes, that is) maybe says that society in general has a narrow idea of what "gay" is supposed to look like, and maybe that's why lesbians are sort of chilly toward us at first--we are incongruent with even their definition of what is queer-looking. Society at large has decided that women are for looking at and that our primary value is in being prett and sexually attractive to the opposite sex. Women who aren't looking for approval from the opposite sex tend to look different--they aren't going to follow rules set out by men, because they want nothing to do with men, romantically/sexually. So, the inference is often made by both hetero men and homo women that a woman who adheres to the traditional, heteronormative standard of beauty for women, is obviously looking for approval and/or advances from men--and the further assumption is made that that desire for men is exclusive--that the women who look the way men want them to are ONLY interested in women. I think that says a lot about the presumptions our society makes about women based solely on our looks. Our words are even negated by our looks, sometimes. So strange. Seems like we still have a way to go before we "get it."
I already Turned In The Final, But Here's What I Was Thinking During My Concepting Struggles
1. Narrative of Thought: In your notebook, tell the story of how your thinking has evolved. When you first chose your subject, what did you think about that culture? What assumptions did you make and what did you expect to find? So......I'm not really something you'd expect. I'm a queer girl, but I've been able to live virtually undetected in straight society. I've always known I'm attrated to women just as much as I am to men; I knew as soon as I had a crush on kd lang just from her publicity photos on the cover of her cd "ingenue," which my parents had (next to the Fleetwood Mac albums and the Joan Beaz), and I knew it wasn't something I was afraid of. Oddly, I never really got a chance to explore that side of myself until last year, when I finally liked a girl, and she liked me at the same time. Before, it had always been the two-ships-passing-in-the-night problem--one or the other of us had a crush, but it was never at the same time. So. It always turned out that I was in a relationship with a guy, and it was always something my family and friends supported, so I never really got a chance to consider the fact that I could have a real relationship with a woman.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I'm very girly. I wear makeup (I have--literally--hundreds of pieces of makeup and makeup equipment, and I use all of it in some way or another), I love to wear pretty dresses and curl my hair and look at youtube.com for tutorials on how to wear scarves and how to choose shoes for outfits, and all of that. Also I love perfume. Especially in old-fashioned bottles with the little squeeze-y atomizer dealie on them. I'm a hopeless fashion zombie, too. If I could afford it, I would never wear the same thing twice. And all of the "it" would be priceless couture. Love it. I especially love Michael Kors and anything vintage. Ooh, and jewelry. Rings, necklaces, earrings, bracelets--my inner magpie is WELL developed. Short version: I'm super-duper-pooper-scooper into girly stuff and being generally adorable and sweet.
PROBLEM: None of this reads as queer, and none of the girls I liked seemed to want anything to do with me romantically, and I SWEAR TO GOD, I'm not the only gay/bi/queer girl who is ultra-girly.
Other problem: how do I prove that? Is there some kind of secret femme-girl society like the skull and crossbones for dykes? Is there a password I have to say at girl bars? Do I need to "butch it up" to be accepted? And then, what would that make me? Am I that ready to eschew all my pink-and-fluffy-ness for men's jeans and a swagger just to get some chick action?
Answer: NO! Nononononononononononono. I'm just fine as I am, thankyouverymuch, and I'm perfectly capable of charming the living daylights out of anything....well...living.
But how to do it? What ways could I get my message across without tattooing "FAGETTE" across my forehead? So I started looking. I looked in gay bars for women who looked like me, but who weren't just fruit flies (straight girls there with their gay guy friends)--you know, actually there to get some numbers and dance all up on some hot butch girls.
This looked like a job for Super Social Butterfly and her companion, Homebody. (Aka, I dragged Her out to the bars several nights within a two-week span, and made Her dance and buy me drinks and make sure I didn't get hit on while I was trying to do research)
So we went. And we danced. And I saw what I was looking for: femmes! Fabulous femmes! And then I thought--but how would I have known if they were out in the real world?
So I looked to bloggers who live in the real world, and are femmes. I love Effing Dykes, by the way. Krista Burton, the author of the blog, is a hilarious, witty, sarcastic and irreverent femme who has experienced just the same difficulties I have, and so has SBJ, author of Fit For A Femme, who blogs about her fashion choices, and has an adorable, super-butch girlfriend named M (called "Tomboy" in the posts).
Success. The only part left to me was to create a connection between the world of the undercover femmes and the people who might read it. Like a field guide to us. Proper care and feeding. Etc.
With the help of the ever-supportive Mrs., I also began a tireless search for the things I could weave into my persona that would mark me as queer, but still maintain my feminine appearance. Yesterday, actually, She said She had a gift for me (I love presents!!!!! :D); it was a pendant of the HRC "equal sign" imprinted onto a small metal square. I now wear it on the same chain as my little heart-shaped rainbow pendant. Also, I have the HRC logo sticker on my car--it's a way to be visible but not obnoxious. Mostly, the things that She says make Her visible are the fact that She dresses in men's clothes, or wears women's clothes that are not feminine-looking, and She wear's men's shoes. She walks with a masculine sort of posture, no sway, and She wears Her hair short--very short--and uses men's product in it. None of the above would work for me--it just goes against my nature. I needed to find a way to be girly and get my own key into the queer world, without having to be on Her arm to prove to everyone in the place that I'm not a breeder. Strictly a breeder, anyway. I feel like the straight community accepts me as one of them--and pretty readily--but that the queer community always has this sort of arms-crossed "prove it" sneer when considering women who are really feminine. Like you need to genderbend at least a certain amount to really be "in."
I think a title that I had in my head for this project, and for all of the drafts and the sketch and the general feel (I even listened to the song with the same name as I got ready to go out with Her each night we went on field trips) of the endeavor was "Pretty Girl Rock." It's a song by Keri Hilson, and you can listen to it here.
Another title might be "Visibility Limited Due To Overcast Conditions." I often feel like I'm walking behind a veil of a straight appearance, and it isn't through any attempt to look hetero, but it just sort of ends up that way. It's kind of unfortunate, too, that a community made up of people who feel like outsiders feel the need to "otherize" people--you'd think they'd know how that feels.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I'm very girly. I wear makeup (I have--literally--hundreds of pieces of makeup and makeup equipment, and I use all of it in some way or another), I love to wear pretty dresses and curl my hair and look at youtube.com for tutorials on how to wear scarves and how to choose shoes for outfits, and all of that. Also I love perfume. Especially in old-fashioned bottles with the little squeeze-y atomizer dealie on them. I'm a hopeless fashion zombie, too. If I could afford it, I would never wear the same thing twice. And all of the "it" would be priceless couture. Love it. I especially love Michael Kors and anything vintage. Ooh, and jewelry. Rings, necklaces, earrings, bracelets--my inner magpie is WELL developed. Short version: I'm super-duper-pooper-scooper into girly stuff and being generally adorable and sweet.
PROBLEM: None of this reads as queer, and none of the girls I liked seemed to want anything to do with me romantically, and I SWEAR TO GOD, I'm not the only gay/bi/queer girl who is ultra-girly.
Other problem: how do I prove that? Is there some kind of secret femme-girl society like the skull and crossbones for dykes? Is there a password I have to say at girl bars? Do I need to "butch it up" to be accepted? And then, what would that make me? Am I that ready to eschew all my pink-and-fluffy-ness for men's jeans and a swagger just to get some chick action?
Answer: NO! Nononononononononononono. I'm just fine as I am, thankyouverymuch, and I'm perfectly capable of charming the living daylights out of anything....well...living.
But how to do it? What ways could I get my message across without tattooing "FAGETTE" across my forehead? So I started looking. I looked in gay bars for women who looked like me, but who weren't just fruit flies (straight girls there with their gay guy friends)--you know, actually there to get some numbers and dance all up on some hot butch girls.
This looked like a job for Super Social Butterfly and her companion, Homebody. (Aka, I dragged Her out to the bars several nights within a two-week span, and made Her dance and buy me drinks and make sure I didn't get hit on while I was trying to do research)
So we went. And we danced. And I saw what I was looking for: femmes! Fabulous femmes! And then I thought--but how would I have known if they were out in the real world?
So I looked to bloggers who live in the real world, and are femmes. I love Effing Dykes, by the way. Krista Burton, the author of the blog, is a hilarious, witty, sarcastic and irreverent femme who has experienced just the same difficulties I have, and so has SBJ, author of Fit For A Femme, who blogs about her fashion choices, and has an adorable, super-butch girlfriend named M (called "Tomboy" in the posts).
Success. The only part left to me was to create a connection between the world of the undercover femmes and the people who might read it. Like a field guide to us. Proper care and feeding. Etc.
With the help of the ever-supportive Mrs., I also began a tireless search for the things I could weave into my persona that would mark me as queer, but still maintain my feminine appearance. Yesterday, actually, She said She had a gift for me (I love presents!!!!! :D); it was a pendant of the HRC "equal sign" imprinted onto a small metal square. I now wear it on the same chain as my little heart-shaped rainbow pendant. Also, I have the HRC logo sticker on my car--it's a way to be visible but not obnoxious. Mostly, the things that She says make Her visible are the fact that She dresses in men's clothes, or wears women's clothes that are not feminine-looking, and She wear's men's shoes. She walks with a masculine sort of posture, no sway, and She wears Her hair short--very short--and uses men's product in it. None of the above would work for me--it just goes against my nature. I needed to find a way to be girly and get my own key into the queer world, without having to be on Her arm to prove to everyone in the place that I'm not a breeder. Strictly a breeder, anyway. I feel like the straight community accepts me as one of them--and pretty readily--but that the queer community always has this sort of arms-crossed "prove it" sneer when considering women who are really feminine. Like you need to genderbend at least a certain amount to really be "in."
I think a title that I had in my head for this project, and for all of the drafts and the sketch and the general feel (I even listened to the song with the same name as I got ready to go out with Her each night we went on field trips) of the endeavor was "Pretty Girl Rock." It's a song by Keri Hilson, and you can listen to it here.
Another title might be "Visibility Limited Due To Overcast Conditions." I often feel like I'm walking behind a veil of a straight appearance, and it isn't through any attempt to look hetero, but it just sort of ends up that way. It's kind of unfortunate, too, that a community made up of people who feel like outsiders feel the need to "otherize" people--you'd think they'd know how that feels.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Modern Archaeology: Stuff Lesbians Tend To Have Around the House
There are a number of things lesbians have around them or are somehow drawn to own/use. I can't explain this, but it's true. Three of the most important are: 1. An HRC "=" sticker on the car. 2. A book of famous lesbians/uppity women somewhere in the house. 3. Hoodies. This artifact brought to you by Krista, author of what should be my blog. It's called Effing Dykes, and here is where you can find it. I know. I hate her, too. Unfortunately, I also think the sun shines out of her ass because she has the cajones to write this fantastically snarky, adorable femme-lezzie window on life.
Here's why I chose them: I think that, since the idea of being a "lipstick lesbian/femme lesbian" is kind of boring in re: clothes and music and other things--we're sort of exactly like straight women. We're girly-girls. We like makeup and dollies and high heels and skirts and lingerie and puppies and kitties and the color pink. Also we like glitter and jewelry. Virtually identical to how straight women dress and present themselves to the world. We watch chick movies. We enjoy being guided through doors with someone's hand at the small of our backs. We enjoy being handed in and out of cars, and we love chivalrous acts generally (especially from handsome butch women, if we're into the whole butch/femme thing). That said, I chose these items because they are quintessentially lesbian, and femmes and butches and studs and bois and stems and baby dykes and bike punks lesbians and andros all have these things.
In order, here is what I think about each of these objects:
1. The HRC sticker: I know that this object is meant as a subtle but unambiguous sign that the person who drives this car is gay or gay-friendly. It's an 'equal' sign--it symbolizes the desire for the LGBT community to have equal marriage rights specifically, and human rights generally. I guess, this symbol makes me feel like I'm in good company, driving behind someone who has the same sentiment on same-sex marriage. Within the subculture, it's like a secret handshake of recognition. It's connected to the other artifacts because it's a symbol of pride and the desire to be recognized as equal to straight America by both society and law. This artifact reflects the values of my subculture which are similar to the best values of straight culture: wanting to have stable, legal, mutually nurturing and safe relationships, and wanting to be seen for who we are within the greater culture--it's a way of quietly standing up and being counted--if you count the number of "=" stickers on the road, you feel less alone, and like the straight people will begin to see that we might be a minority, but we're real, and there are a lot of us around. And we're nice! We'll let you on the freeway during rush hour! This sticker is used as a way of recognizing each other (which means safety to be onesself, too), and to tell the world quietly and politely that we may be numerous, but there is still legal and social injustice against us, and there's an easy way to rectify this problem. The "=" sign says 'we want to be equal to you--not better, not given special treatment, not given any unfair advantages--just equal; no more, no less." I suppose I could ask HRC representatives to go into detail about how they chose a yellow "=" sign on a blue field as a way to express an entire movement, when they decided that this would go well on cars, and how people might feel about putting their sexual orientation out there for the world to possibly judge harshly. The three (or more) most important things this artifact tells me about this subculture are a) that we seek marriage equality despite the constant political struggle to secure it, b) we want to recognize each other in a "secret handshake" sort of way, and c) that we're not going crazy with passion about wanting equality--we really just want to lead quiet lives, and be equal to our straight friends and families.
2. The Famous Lesbian/Uppity Women Book: I know this object is a way of validating the importance of powerful/queer women to society. I think this kind of book is important for lesbians to have because it's a way to bolster our confidence about being who we are when we're feeling less than badass, or after we've suffered from sense of inferiority or feeling targeted for hate or intolerence. The book, the sticker, and the hoodie go together to present a sense of pride, but also of privateness and subtlety in our expressions of ourselves as queer-identifying. This book represents the values of female strength and capability; it shows that we can be useful to society by being who we are. This object is used to make us feel better about ourselves, and to give us a sense of connection to and inspiration from women who didn't just follow the rules. This indicates that the women who own these books need a little reassurance about their badassness every once in a while. I think I could easily research the uppity/lesbian badass women themselves, but the existence and importance of these books on lesbian bookshelves are kind of hard to quantify/qualify. The three (or more) things this artifact tells me about this subculture are: a) lesbians need reassuring that we live large and kick ass, b) lesbians need heroes up to whom to look, and c) having these books is an affirmation of our usefulness and importance in greater society.
3. Hoodies: I know these objects were first noted by Krista of Effing Dykes to be both fashionable and an indicator that we're not (in my case, half the time) looking for male approval--and that sometimes we're interested in commandeering some masculine looks for our very own. I guess, that makes it important just because it makes us feel...cool. It's connected to the other artifacts because it is a subtle expression of our queermo tendencies without being obnoxious or too obvious--those of us who know our tribe will recognize each other in them, and people outside the tribe won't look twice, because they're all over general fashion these days. The hoodie reflects a basic lesbian principle: comfy is sexy. Also sexy is sexy, and especially Puma Ferrari track-jacket-style hoodies are very sexy. Lesbians (especially young and/or femme ones and bois) are very conscious of our appearances--we're obsessed with looking fashionable and a little edgy. This object is used to keep the lesbian wearing it from looking stupid, getting cold, or feeling underdressed. It shows that lesbians are sort of a superficial group who does judge within itself very superficially. I'm not sure there is a way to research the hoodie and its impact on lesbianism....
The three or more most important things this artifact tells me about this subculture are: a) don't leave home without a suitably-masculine pullover for your freeze-baby butch when it gets chilly, b) hoodies are a way to dress down any outfit, making it immediately more queer-friendly and c) Women who wear hoodies are generally removing themselves from having to be attracted to men, which means they're fair game for a girl who likes girls! :)
Here's why I chose them: I think that, since the idea of being a "lipstick lesbian/femme lesbian" is kind of boring in re: clothes and music and other things--we're sort of exactly like straight women. We're girly-girls. We like makeup and dollies and high heels and skirts and lingerie and puppies and kitties and the color pink. Also we like glitter and jewelry. Virtually identical to how straight women dress and present themselves to the world. We watch chick movies. We enjoy being guided through doors with someone's hand at the small of our backs. We enjoy being handed in and out of cars, and we love chivalrous acts generally (especially from handsome butch women, if we're into the whole butch/femme thing). That said, I chose these items because they are quintessentially lesbian, and femmes and butches and studs and bois and stems and baby dykes and bike punks lesbians and andros all have these things.
In order, here is what I think about each of these objects:
1. The HRC sticker: I know that this object is meant as a subtle but unambiguous sign that the person who drives this car is gay or gay-friendly. It's an 'equal' sign--it symbolizes the desire for the LGBT community to have equal marriage rights specifically, and human rights generally. I guess, this symbol makes me feel like I'm in good company, driving behind someone who has the same sentiment on same-sex marriage. Within the subculture, it's like a secret handshake of recognition. It's connected to the other artifacts because it's a symbol of pride and the desire to be recognized as equal to straight America by both society and law. This artifact reflects the values of my subculture which are similar to the best values of straight culture: wanting to have stable, legal, mutually nurturing and safe relationships, and wanting to be seen for who we are within the greater culture--it's a way of quietly standing up and being counted--if you count the number of "=" stickers on the road, you feel less alone, and like the straight people will begin to see that we might be a minority, but we're real, and there are a lot of us around. And we're nice! We'll let you on the freeway during rush hour! This sticker is used as a way of recognizing each other (which means safety to be onesself, too), and to tell the world quietly and politely that we may be numerous, but there is still legal and social injustice against us, and there's an easy way to rectify this problem. The "=" sign says 'we want to be equal to you--not better, not given special treatment, not given any unfair advantages--just equal; no more, no less." I suppose I could ask HRC representatives to go into detail about how they chose a yellow "=" sign on a blue field as a way to express an entire movement, when they decided that this would go well on cars, and how people might feel about putting their sexual orientation out there for the world to possibly judge harshly. The three (or more) most important things this artifact tells me about this subculture are a) that we seek marriage equality despite the constant political struggle to secure it, b) we want to recognize each other in a "secret handshake" sort of way, and c) that we're not going crazy with passion about wanting equality--we really just want to lead quiet lives, and be equal to our straight friends and families.
2. The Famous Lesbian/Uppity Women Book: I know this object is a way of validating the importance of powerful/queer women to society. I think this kind of book is important for lesbians to have because it's a way to bolster our confidence about being who we are when we're feeling less than badass, or after we've suffered from sense of inferiority or feeling targeted for hate or intolerence. The book, the sticker, and the hoodie go together to present a sense of pride, but also of privateness and subtlety in our expressions of ourselves as queer-identifying. This book represents the values of female strength and capability; it shows that we can be useful to society by being who we are. This object is used to make us feel better about ourselves, and to give us a sense of connection to and inspiration from women who didn't just follow the rules. This indicates that the women who own these books need a little reassurance about their badassness every once in a while. I think I could easily research the uppity/lesbian badass women themselves, but the existence and importance of these books on lesbian bookshelves are kind of hard to quantify/qualify. The three (or more) things this artifact tells me about this subculture are: a) lesbians need reassuring that we live large and kick ass, b) lesbians need heroes up to whom to look, and c) having these books is an affirmation of our usefulness and importance in greater society.
3. Hoodies: I know these objects were first noted by Krista of Effing Dykes to be both fashionable and an indicator that we're not (in my case, half the time) looking for male approval--and that sometimes we're interested in commandeering some masculine looks for our very own. I guess, that makes it important just because it makes us feel...cool. It's connected to the other artifacts because it is a subtle expression of our queermo tendencies without being obnoxious or too obvious--those of us who know our tribe will recognize each other in them, and people outside the tribe won't look twice, because they're all over general fashion these days. The hoodie reflects a basic lesbian principle: comfy is sexy. Also sexy is sexy, and especially Puma Ferrari track-jacket-style hoodies are very sexy. Lesbians (especially young and/or femme ones and bois) are very conscious of our appearances--we're obsessed with looking fashionable and a little edgy. This object is used to keep the lesbian wearing it from looking stupid, getting cold, or feeling underdressed. It shows that lesbians are sort of a superficial group who does judge within itself very superficially. I'm not sure there is a way to research the hoodie and its impact on lesbianism....
The three or more most important things this artifact tells me about this subculture are: a) don't leave home without a suitably-masculine pullover for your freeze-baby butch when it gets chilly, b) hoodies are a way to dress down any outfit, making it immediately more queer-friendly and c) Women who wear hoodies are generally removing themselves from having to be attracted to men, which means they're fair game for a girl who likes girls! :)
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